Be mindful of the following phrases (weeds) because they can have lifelong implications in the social and emotional development of your child:

• Be a man
• Don’t ask too many questions
• Don’t ask “Why”
• Home Business (Don’t share out of the home what happens in the home) This one is very important because a “child abuser” considers the act “home business”

I’m sure that there are many more “Weed Nurturing” phrases so please note that children take what you say and apply it to all situations. If you want a rose, plant the seeds from which roses grow.

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Piercing your daughters ears at the ripe old of 3 months, I’m OK with that, reason being they forget that the earrings are there and never mess with them (less chance for infection). But, piercing your son’s ears at the same age for the same reason – Scandalous!!!

Piercing anything but the ears-Security!!!!!!!

Tattooing a child, male or female, at any age – Somebody call child protective services!!!

Fake nails on a child before High School – You must have money to burn!!!!

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Here is the good news: The compromise was “I won’t use it if you don’t.” This also works with music. Try singing one of their “ratchet” songs out loud. My daughters refused to listen to Eminem after listening to me sing “The Real Slim Shakey” – I’m the real shakey so please man up please man up!

Here is the caveat: Make sure that they find the words or phrases that you are using “”embarrassing” and don’t want you to use it/them around their friends. Sometimes we (parents) say things that they (children) find adorable and other times it’s just plain deplorable.

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When talking with your preteens, be mindful that they think everything you say after the word “but” is the truth. So, it stands to reason that everything before the word “But” must be a lie and that’s why you get a response that makes you say “Where did that come from?” For Example:

Mother: Honey, you look really nice today, but you need a haircut.
Pre-teen: Why are you always criticizing me? Nothing I do is good enough for you.
Mother: I’m not being critical.
Pre-teen: I’m fine just the way I am. I hate you!
Mother: Where did that come from?

All he/she heard was “You need a haircut blah blah blah blah” Try substituting the word “but” with the word “and.” In this way your children will recognize and accept the compliment and appreciate your desire to “enhance” rather than “improve.” Enhance implies that you want to “make better” while improve implies that you want to “make over.”

Also, take specific steps to ensure that your “words” match your “actions.” I went back to school to get my doctorate degree because my youngest daughter said “Mommie you said reading was important, but we never see you reading.” Book please!!!!!!!

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Please note, I am by no means recommending that you run out and purchase these books. They were relevant to the beliefs and values that I wanted to instill in my children. They are inspirational in nature and provide role models who not only understood the “struggle” but persevered in their efforts to successfully achieve their dreams. You need to find books that support the message you are trying to send to your children. Take steps to ensure that your kids see that they did not invent “hard times”, that the things that are happening to them did not start when they were born; Bullying is NOT a new concept, and that they should not be afraid to dream or embarrassed to communicate that dream to all who will listen.

Yes, I said 4 books. The fourth book is “Hop on Pop” by Dr. Seuss. It is excellent for helping beginning readers learn and practice. The short stories are in word families:

Red Red They call me Red.
Red Bed I am in bed.
Red Ned Ted and Ed in Bed.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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Consider this:

If it’s important that you go to the club every Friday and Saturday If an updated wardrobe is the most important thing in your life If you need 12 hours of sleep each day I’m not saying that you will never be ready, but until you can accept the fact that it’s never going to be about you, again

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My grandmother bought me a car when I was a junior in college. She said you can pay me back after you graduate and get your first job. In my head I was thinking, yeah right, she wouldn’t dare take money from me. She was waiting for me, hands out (not for a hug) when I got my first paycheck. Her hand stayed out until she was paid off. Was I shocked, absolutely, did I resent her for it, absolutely, did I love her any less, NO! Miss you YaYa.

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I know, I know, the twins looked so cute dressed up as “Lady Gaga” and “Lil Kim” that you just had to SHARE. Unless you have a secure site, which you don’t, you are sharing your babies’ booties with the world. STOP IT!! If you want grandma to see the pictures, send her a photo album, she’s probably not on Facebook anyway!

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1. Fart
2. Lie
3. Shut up
4. Stupid
5. Dumb
6. Butt
7. What (When beckoned)
8. Yeah (When responding)

The following gestures are passive aggressive forms of disrespect and should not be tolerated.

1. Arm Folding (when being addressed)
2. Eye rolling
3. Lips poked out
4. Sucking teeth

As you may recall from a previous post, you must replace inappropriate behaviors with appropriate behaviors. The same applies to words and gestures. For example, you can substitute “fart” with “pass gas.” Be mindful not to substitute one inappropriate word with another inappropriate word. For example, don’t use “retarded” as a substitute for “stupid.”

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I know, I know, parenting and politics don’t mix. But, think about it – Johnny steals a cookie after you told him to wait until after dinner. You see it, but decide “whatever, no big deal.” Guess what, Johnny steals another cookie and another until you say – STOP! The behavior has escalated. It could have been addressed after the first stolen cookie.

Address the small stuff in a big way. If you make it seem like small stuff, they will too!!! My daughters played golf, competitively, and often had to travel by themselves. They were instructed to call me when the plane landed (each one must call) and call me after they checked into the hotel. During one trip, my youngest checked into the hotel but did not call, the oldest called. It wasn’t a big deal because my oldest called and told me that everything was OK. BUT, the youngest broke the call rule. Consequence – “Hello Verizon, I lost my phone (it was really her phone), would you please disconnect it until I find it, Thank You!” I told my daughter “If you can’t talk to me, you can’t talk to anyone.” Can you hear me now?

Giuliani, R.W. (2002). “Leadership” New York, NY: Hyperion.

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