So, your 18 year old daughter is seriously dating. First, let me tell you what NOT to say. Don’t ever say “He’s a loser” or “You’re too good for him” or “He’s a cheater” or “You’re too young to be in love” or “What zoo did you find him at” or (here is the big one) “I forbid it.” If you really don’t want your daughter to date a particular guy, go after the rooster, not the hen. Pretend to condemn, oops I mean condone the relationship while subtlety making him realize that the light at the end of his tunnel is a train!!!!!!! My 18 year old daughter, who was a senior in high school, accepted a date with a 25 year old man. WHAT!!!!!!!! When he came to pick her up, I insisted that he show me his driver’s license. I took the license into my office and made two color copies and when I handed him his license back, I had the copies in my hand for him to see. Hmmm, I wonder what happened to him. Tell your daughter that you don’t mind her going on the date if she doesn’t mind a couple of questions (sounds fair). Here are a few suggestions:
- Ask to see his driver’s license or a comparable ID, and let him see you make a copy of it.
- Make him call your phone, right then, so that you can have his phone number in your phone.
- Make him write down his address, his parents name and phone numbers (It doesn’t matter how old he is).
- If he is employed, make sure to get the address and phone number of his place of employment.
- Send him a friend request on Facebook that he must accept prior to the date.
- Walk them out to his car with a pencil and paper and jot down his license plate number, make and model of the car. Make sure that he’s watching.
This is not a “No Dating” message. It is a “Be Selective” message.
Allow them to go on the date and you go with them! You sit at another table-but you are there!
Did you say your daughter was 18? This must be a practice for your 18 year old daughter living in your house. Why not teach her to be more selective? Doing all of those things”may” be a deterrent, but if the guy or gal is less than stellar, and your child is truly interested, where there is a will, they will find a way. Someone once told me to ask yourself the question: Is he/she the type of person you would marry–a guide for your child. That is the weight, casual or longterm, you assess to the relationship. Collecting “stuff” does not mean the individual will not commit a crime of emotion.
You are sooooo right. They always find a way. My plan is to run interference while I address the inappropriateness of the situation. Unfortunately, providing a rational approach to an irrational teenager just does not work. Your questioning approach makes sense, to me, but unfortunately the perpetrators are only thinking about “Hooking Up.” When time is of the essence, you just have to put a band-aid on it.
Thanks for Sharing!
Someone posted an anonymous comment that said “You don’t put a band-aid on a rooster in the hen house, you teach it to be a rooster.”
Whoever you are, that was well said.
For the Fathers out there who have daughters. Maybe some of you think as I do. I think it also very important that prospective dates and or boyfriends know that my girls have a Father in their lives who is also very concerned about them!!
I like the license trick!!!