Your child will accept and respect your hardness if you show them an equal amount of softness. Too much hard or too much soft will result in acting out behaviors that are equally obnoxious. Your kids need to know that regardless of how many times you place restrictions on their activities, veto their attire, or deny them access to the piercing needle, you got their back! The counselor at my daughter’s school told her that the pre-calculus class was full and she would have to take ART instead. WHAT!!!!! My daughter said, “My mother will not be happy with that, I would like to make an appointment for her to come in tomorrow at 7:00 am.” The counselor said “Don’t you want to check that time with her first?” My daughter said “Nope, she’ll be here.” And, I was.
You may not win every battle, but they need to see you fighting.
It is good to have your child’s back and they know they can depend on you; however, I am curious. What battles do you let your children fight? Does this develop a behavior in your children to defer to you for resolutions What happens you are continuously unsuccessful? Will this impact your child’s opinion of you or does the fact you showed up outweigh the results?
One strategy that I used with my children was “Try 3 before me.” They had to employ 3 problem solving strategies before they brought the problem to my attention. However, they knew that there were situations that required my immediate attention. Discussions always followed those particular situations.
I truly believe that we must teach our children to problem solve.